22:30 Luckily my internet and phone both died after the second minute. luckily though after a shockng miss by Di Santo there was nthing of any quality or note to mention. Socking performance from a bunch of clueless gits.... Gklad i could not write mmy toughts during thhe match...
19:43 Capuccino resembles cat sick... finally found a ground with a worse paa syste than Rovers.... sorry for crap spelling.
19:39 Teams are out warming up. Bloody cold in South London tonight. Managed to convvince the steward that the laptop in my bag was for uni, not throwing at the pitch. Looks a similar Rovers team to the weekend, but Andrews and Jacobsen come in. Dioufff has a proper cool hat...
18:47 Just waiting for t'underground to take us to Putney Bridge and the ground... Saw old knob head turning into Downing Street while walking to Westminster and saw the traffic being stopped for Princess Anne...not sure why she needs a police escort everywhere and can't wait in traffic! Pretty ordinary tea at Garfunkels, was miffed at the waitress putting my change in the tips jar rather than giving it back - poor service and food does not warrant a tip! Bloody cheek of it. Oop train is here, a wise man was right in a song he wrote "what you see is what you get, burger king and piss and sweat" horrible!
16:25 Sat in Trafalggar Square having walked to Whitehall... Didn't see old Gordon at Downing Street thouh, most disappinting. Taalk of Garfunkels for dinner son whicch is most pleasing. Early tea then off t'game.
15:05 In Hamleys getting fed up with tourists... always walking in front of me.
14:25 Ten minutes from London now...a dull journey consisting of a soggy egg sandwich and very little work. Just passing through Slough, a town where the peoople who reside pray for another Blitz.
13:13 On t'train on the way to London... going to try and do some work but that looks doubtful... no room to swing a cat in here.
Stay posted tomorrow afternoon and evening to watch regular updates on a trip to Landon town as well as updates from the Cottage as Fulham take on Rovers. I will try and post as regularly as I can throughout the day and match to keep you all posted. Assuming I don't get mugged and have my phone stolen though obviously.
Tuesday 24 November 2009
Saturday 21 November 2009
Christmas at School...
With now only 4 weeks and 6 days till Christmas it is the time of year that mum’s love, dad’s hate and children loathe… The school Christmas play season. The time of the year when kid’s all around are expected to don crap costumes and act out a poorly written story with generally little or no resemblance to Christmas.
The Christmas play was probably my second most loathed thing about school - closely following sports day (see entry Sports at School…). Although having said that, it was still probably more fun than the carol concert. So that might make it my third most loathed thing?
Amazingly I only took part in one nativity play in my whole school life - although luckily I was saved the humiliation of looking like a tit with a tea towel on my head, and just had to sing as part of the choir - the rest were a variation on a theme. Crap stories with a vague resemblance to something Christmassy!
I only remember a couple, but in one I seem to remember being one of Santa’s elves and had to basically sit next to Santa, not saying anything, but occasionally skipping round in a circle! The second Christmas play I remember was at junior school and I was something called a Tomte - I just looked on Wikipedia and they do actually exist apparently. I was one of many of these “mythical Scandanavian creatures” who was asleep in a cave, which got attacked by trolls - which my brother was one of and basically consisted of older kids wearing rugby shirts and socks on their heads, whilst carrying a spade. I don’t remember much more than this other than my part seemed to consist of being asleep on the stage one minute and then being kidnapped by a troll… Once again a massive part for me to play. I still question what this has to do with Christmas though and Wikipedia doesn’t seem much help other than to suggest a Tomte is not happy and will cause mischief if he does not get his porridge on Christmas night! But I don’t recall anything like that happening…
I would love to know where some of these stories get thought up… I imagine somebody is sat in a room thinking “I know, lets get the older kids to wear socks on their heads and the younger ones to wear rubbish paper elf ears and miners costumes - that will be great”… Looking back the costumes are always the best bit about the Christmas play, or do I mean the worst bit… They are so pathetic and simple it is almost laughable:
Mary - blue dressing gown, white tea towel on head, pillow up front - although these days you probably just get one of the pregnant kids to do it, unless it is the year 2 play when that is probably not a possibility…
Joseph - white dressing gown, darker tea towel on head;
Angels - white dress, crappy £2 wings and multicoloured halo from Woolworths (see, where are kids going to buy their nativity outfits now…);
Shepherd - white blanket/dressing gown, Grandads walking stick, tea towel on head;
Wise men - stripey dressing gowns, tea towel on head;
Sheep - the small kids dressed in white with cotton wool ears and a pink nose!
You can see where I am going, the nativity costumes are all two basic components, a tea towel on the head and a dressing gown - is that really what they wore in those days?? I have a theory though, buy stocks in kitchen shops before December. They will boom massively around Christmas when parents are kitting their kids out in Biblical clothing… The other costumes were just as bad though. Next time you are at a Christmas play look at the costumes, it looks like the kids have been put on a cart and wheeled through Oxfam… Only if anything has actually fit when they have tried it on, it has gone straight back and swapped for something about ten sizes too big…
I say I hated the carol concerts, but this is a lie… I hated them every year except one. In year 6 I was deemed the second best student user of an overhead projector, which meant I was part of the projector team for the carol concert! My role was basically to pass the overheads at the right time to the guy who was better than me at operating the projector! But, it did mean I didn’t have to sing, which as far as I was concerned was a result. I have no idea whether the carol concerts still take place in our political correct world, but if they don’t the kids of today can thank their lucky stars… In your own time in the evenings having to sing in front of everybody’s parents is about as much fun as getting your scrote caught in a laundry mangle… I have no idea who thought it was a good idea, but it always sounds terrible and I certainly didn’t enjoy it!
On the side though, it did mean it was nearly Christmas, which meant lessons consisted of making paper snowflakes and Christmas trees during lessons, which lets be fair is fun by anybodies books! I would much rather be doing that right now than trying to avoid writing about engine cooling systems! In fairness Christmas at school was good fun, from the Christmas dinner featuring wafer thin turkey microwaved, to the Christmas party on the last day, but dear me, the Christmas play and carol concert was and I imagine in most cases is, an embarrassment to the kids and a complete ball ache for everyone involved.
The Christmas play was probably my second most loathed thing about school - closely following sports day (see entry Sports at School…). Although having said that, it was still probably more fun than the carol concert. So that might make it my third most loathed thing?
Amazingly I only took part in one nativity play in my whole school life - although luckily I was saved the humiliation of looking like a tit with a tea towel on my head, and just had to sing as part of the choir - the rest were a variation on a theme. Crap stories with a vague resemblance to something Christmassy!
I only remember a couple, but in one I seem to remember being one of Santa’s elves and had to basically sit next to Santa, not saying anything, but occasionally skipping round in a circle! The second Christmas play I remember was at junior school and I was something called a Tomte - I just looked on Wikipedia and they do actually exist apparently. I was one of many of these “mythical Scandanavian creatures” who was asleep in a cave, which got attacked by trolls - which my brother was one of and basically consisted of older kids wearing rugby shirts and socks on their heads, whilst carrying a spade. I don’t remember much more than this other than my part seemed to consist of being asleep on the stage one minute and then being kidnapped by a troll… Once again a massive part for me to play. I still question what this has to do with Christmas though and Wikipedia doesn’t seem much help other than to suggest a Tomte is not happy and will cause mischief if he does not get his porridge on Christmas night! But I don’t recall anything like that happening…
I would love to know where some of these stories get thought up… I imagine somebody is sat in a room thinking “I know, lets get the older kids to wear socks on their heads and the younger ones to wear rubbish paper elf ears and miners costumes - that will be great”… Looking back the costumes are always the best bit about the Christmas play, or do I mean the worst bit… They are so pathetic and simple it is almost laughable:
Mary - blue dressing gown, white tea towel on head, pillow up front - although these days you probably just get one of the pregnant kids to do it, unless it is the year 2 play when that is probably not a possibility…
Joseph - white dressing gown, darker tea towel on head;
Angels - white dress, crappy £2 wings and multicoloured halo from Woolworths (see, where are kids going to buy their nativity outfits now…);
Shepherd - white blanket/dressing gown, Grandads walking stick, tea towel on head;
Wise men - stripey dressing gowns, tea towel on head;
Sheep - the small kids dressed in white with cotton wool ears and a pink nose!
You can see where I am going, the nativity costumes are all two basic components, a tea towel on the head and a dressing gown - is that really what they wore in those days?? I have a theory though, buy stocks in kitchen shops before December. They will boom massively around Christmas when parents are kitting their kids out in Biblical clothing… The other costumes were just as bad though. Next time you are at a Christmas play look at the costumes, it looks like the kids have been put on a cart and wheeled through Oxfam… Only if anything has actually fit when they have tried it on, it has gone straight back and swapped for something about ten sizes too big…
I say I hated the carol concerts, but this is a lie… I hated them every year except one. In year 6 I was deemed the second best student user of an overhead projector, which meant I was part of the projector team for the carol concert! My role was basically to pass the overheads at the right time to the guy who was better than me at operating the projector! But, it did mean I didn’t have to sing, which as far as I was concerned was a result. I have no idea whether the carol concerts still take place in our political correct world, but if they don’t the kids of today can thank their lucky stars… In your own time in the evenings having to sing in front of everybody’s parents is about as much fun as getting your scrote caught in a laundry mangle… I have no idea who thought it was a good idea, but it always sounds terrible and I certainly didn’t enjoy it!
On the side though, it did mean it was nearly Christmas, which meant lessons consisted of making paper snowflakes and Christmas trees during lessons, which lets be fair is fun by anybodies books! I would much rather be doing that right now than trying to avoid writing about engine cooling systems! In fairness Christmas at school was good fun, from the Christmas dinner featuring wafer thin turkey microwaved, to the Christmas party on the last day, but dear me, the Christmas play and carol concert was and I imagine in most cases is, an embarrassment to the kids and a complete ball ache for everyone involved.
Sunday 15 November 2009
T'is the season...
It’s official, the Coca Cola advert in the commercial break for Crap Factor last night means Christmas is upon us! Let the festivities commence! Just three or four weeks till we erect a plastic fir tree in the living room and decorate it no doubt hideously. Just five weeks and five days until we will be opening our masses of presents and divulging in a large stuffed bird of some variety – hopefully more than once.
So anyway, I thought I would start the festivities by musing about a few things Christmas related.
And this year we must make the most of it, if rumours are to believed we will only have two more! Those Mayans could have at least waited until December the 26th to end the world!
For the next forty days we have loads to look forward to, pikey chav carol singers, the whole world flocking to the Christmas Market, spending what little money we have on rubbish presents for other people and spending time with people who we spend the entire year trying to avoid, whilst putting on our big happy grins that it is “lovely to see them”... On the positive side of things though, we do get to feast like kings and the Christmas Market sells spicy cheese!!
However, we also have to look forward to, endless TV adverts telling us about the once failed pop artists who are releasing a new Greatest Hits CD in an attempt to make a little bit more money, as well as the many predictions of a white Christmas we won’t get... The closest thing I have ever had to a white Christmas was a bad bout of dandruff when I was 7 which made it look like a continuous snow storm. It never ever happens, it is always grey and rainy on Christmas.
For some reason I always seem to remember the Christingle service at church... Christmas loses its fun when you are too old to go to church and get an orange with a candle in, along with dolly mixtures and raisins on the end of cocktail sticks. When you can no longer do that, Christmas as a child is over! I have no recollection of the services, I just remember the orange, happy days.
I always remember been terrified at Christmas two consecutive years... The first I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve but then suddenly my door opened... I had heard all the stories that if Santa knew you were awake you would not get any presents... I was terrified at the prospect that this would happen so I covered my head with the pillow and tried my hardest to pretend I was asleep. It worked though and I seem to recall getting a great haul of presents! The next year I was 19 and had realised that Santa might not be real, but then on Christmas Eve I heard the bathroom window opening... I must have just woken and heard this and gone back to sleep (I must have grown up in that year – sleeping on Christmas Eve, whatever next???) but ten minutes later I heard the window go again. This time I woke up again and my stocking was full of presents!! Santa had come in through the bathroom window. This was most confusing for a young 19 year old, why had he not used the chimney??
Another year and something I have never forgiven my parents/Santa for was when we were very young. I must have been about 4 or 5 and slept in the same room as my brother. Christmas morning he woke up and said “He has been”, but my stocking was still empty. Then my brother informed me that he had been given a new stocking, a sort of pillow case thing and his old stocking was hanging on the end of the bed. But I didn’t have a pillow case on my bed...We looked around for it, but still all we could find was my empty stocking on the end of the bed. In fact I think there was a Satsuma in the bottom of it – great. Needless to say I was deeply upset about this and when we got up in the morning I could do nothing but cry to my parents. Despite how young I was I seem to remember my dad saying “Oh, maybe you were a naughty boy this year?”... I was a bit of a git, but never that bad - apart from when I shaved my head and blamed the neighbour! After many tears and an almost ruined Christmas, a stocking did turn up, it was hidden behind the bedroom door. But still, how cruel can parents get – pretending that you have been so bad you have got no presents. I dread to think what the effects of this will be in the future. Watch out mum and dad...
Whatever anybody says, presents are the best part about Christmas. Now it’s not that I don’t like buying presents for people, I do enjoy it and I enjoy seeing the surprise. Some of you probably think a good Christmas is where you have fun, or where you do lots of different things but you are all wrong... A good Christmas is when the sum of the value of presents received exceeds the value of presents given! It’s a pretty basic principle and this year I plan to be positive :D !
So let me be the first and no doubt not the last to say, Merry Christmas! Stay tuned, I will try and post more often!
So anyway, I thought I would start the festivities by musing about a few things Christmas related.
And this year we must make the most of it, if rumours are to believed we will only have two more! Those Mayans could have at least waited until December the 26th to end the world!
For the next forty days we have loads to look forward to, pikey chav carol singers, the whole world flocking to the Christmas Market, spending what little money we have on rubbish presents for other people and spending time with people who we spend the entire year trying to avoid, whilst putting on our big happy grins that it is “lovely to see them”... On the positive side of things though, we do get to feast like kings and the Christmas Market sells spicy cheese!!
However, we also have to look forward to, endless TV adverts telling us about the once failed pop artists who are releasing a new Greatest Hits CD in an attempt to make a little bit more money, as well as the many predictions of a white Christmas we won’t get... The closest thing I have ever had to a white Christmas was a bad bout of dandruff when I was 7 which made it look like a continuous snow storm. It never ever happens, it is always grey and rainy on Christmas.
For some reason I always seem to remember the Christingle service at church... Christmas loses its fun when you are too old to go to church and get an orange with a candle in, along with dolly mixtures and raisins on the end of cocktail sticks. When you can no longer do that, Christmas as a child is over! I have no recollection of the services, I just remember the orange, happy days.
I always remember been terrified at Christmas two consecutive years... The first I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve but then suddenly my door opened... I had heard all the stories that if Santa knew you were awake you would not get any presents... I was terrified at the prospect that this would happen so I covered my head with the pillow and tried my hardest to pretend I was asleep. It worked though and I seem to recall getting a great haul of presents! The next year I was 19 and had realised that Santa might not be real, but then on Christmas Eve I heard the bathroom window opening... I must have just woken and heard this and gone back to sleep (I must have grown up in that year – sleeping on Christmas Eve, whatever next???) but ten minutes later I heard the window go again. This time I woke up again and my stocking was full of presents!! Santa had come in through the bathroom window. This was most confusing for a young 19 year old, why had he not used the chimney??
Another year and something I have never forgiven my parents/Santa for was when we were very young. I must have been about 4 or 5 and slept in the same room as my brother. Christmas morning he woke up and said “He has been”, but my stocking was still empty. Then my brother informed me that he had been given a new stocking, a sort of pillow case thing and his old stocking was hanging on the end of the bed. But I didn’t have a pillow case on my bed...We looked around for it, but still all we could find was my empty stocking on the end of the bed. In fact I think there was a Satsuma in the bottom of it – great. Needless to say I was deeply upset about this and when we got up in the morning I could do nothing but cry to my parents. Despite how young I was I seem to remember my dad saying “Oh, maybe you were a naughty boy this year?”... I was a bit of a git, but never that bad - apart from when I shaved my head and blamed the neighbour! After many tears and an almost ruined Christmas, a stocking did turn up, it was hidden behind the bedroom door. But still, how cruel can parents get – pretending that you have been so bad you have got no presents. I dread to think what the effects of this will be in the future. Watch out mum and dad...
Whatever anybody says, presents are the best part about Christmas. Now it’s not that I don’t like buying presents for people, I do enjoy it and I enjoy seeing the surprise. Some of you probably think a good Christmas is where you have fun, or where you do lots of different things but you are all wrong... A good Christmas is when the sum of the value of presents received exceeds the value of presents given! It’s a pretty basic principle and this year I plan to be positive :D !
So let me be the first and no doubt not the last to say, Merry Christmas! Stay tuned, I will try and post more often!
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